black · Race

Tiaras and Diamonds

Back in 1981, I was into the Princess Diana hype more than the “Luke and Laura” wedding.

I collected the souvenir books, magazines, newspaper clippings and anything else I could find on the royal wedding. I actually still have my small box of all-things-Diana (not Charles) on a shelf in the basement. I remember my mother and I getting up early with the six hour time difference to get that first glimpse of the dress, the ridiculously long train and the wedding proceedings.

I can’t say that I was obsessed with the Royal wedding like so many of my elementary school non-Black girlfriends who daydreamed about becoming a real live princess like Diana one day. Picturing myself as princess never entered my mind because even at that young age, I knew that princesses didn’t come in my shade.

And though I plan on spending my morning under a palm tree instead of watching “The Wedding” (I’ll catch the highlights later), I will be smiling at the thought of all the young “melanated” girls out there who can (finally) see themselves in that “daydream” today.

And I’ll be smiling with all the older “melanated” women who had sleepover parties last night to witness history together…

Yes, history…for me and women like me…after our “first” royal wedding thirty-seven years later.

M xoxo

All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.
black · Personal Development · Race

A Tribe Called Pink

Growing up, I didn’t really have any Black girlfriends.

It’s not that I didn’t want any. It was usually because I was the only Black girl or one of very few in school. Then in university, I either had little in common with the few Black women I encountered in my program, some were too cliquish and others simply gave off a competitive vibe.

I have never competed with anyone besides myself and I don’t do drama so I usually found myself in a thanks but no thanks situation.

Instead, I gravitated towards hanging out in a mixed group of different cultures – Italian, Greek, East Indian, Asian…you get the picture.

Besides not having many in my circles, my lack of commonality with the Black girls/women I would meet probably had a lot to do with being the product of strict immigrant Tiger parents, living a low-key middle-class family lifestyle and preferring the company of a good book than painting the town red at clubs/parties.

But it also meant that I never really had any opportunities to share war stories that Black women often have in common, like being mistaken for the only other Black woman at work who looks nothing like you, how people take liberties of touching your skin and/or hair without permission you or how waitresses will take the liberty of bringing two cheques when you are on a date with a White man because they assume that you are just friends with said White man…which recently happened again…

Yeah, I never really had those kinds of exchanges.

In my quest to start living my best life, I signed up for a course geared towards Black women who want and are ready to “level up” and live extremely well. And as part of that course, all participants have access to an awesome Facebook Group of over 340+ like-minded Black women.

Well, better late than never about sharing those stories and having those exchanges.

The conversations in that group vary from everything and anything but always based in “positivity” – beauty, travel, health, dating and the importance of reclaiming your Pink feminine energy as a Black woman. If you ask for advice on how to deal with an issue you are having in your professional or personal life, you are guaranteed to receive dozens and dozens of thoughtful responses giving you the advice, support and encouragement you need. And if you’re not careful, you can easily find yourself lost (in a good way) in conversation for huge chunks of time!

I know what some of you are thinking – why isn’t the focus on ALL women? Why just Black women?

Well first off, it’s no different than all the Facebook Groups out there for writers, new mommies, divorced dads, vegetarians or other ethnic groups. All of those groups are created for like-minded folks wanting to share experiences too, right?

Second and most important, the level of trolling that takes place against Black women online is unbelievably appalling. And it is even worse when the messages are positive ones. The FB group is a safe space for Black women to speak freely and share without being viciously trolled, told how dark, ugly, unworthy, and nappy-headed they are. Over the years, media has done such a wonderful job of portraying Black women in a demeaning and stereotypically negative light that some people become uncomfortable and vicious when they see positive images/messages about Black women…and the result is trolling.

What is the point of my post?

If you follow my other blog, you know that I don’t “promote” anything for financial compensation – I usually share because I want to share something I’ve used and enjoyed. But because I think that this course is well-crafted and the FB Group is awesome, I decided to be an “affiliate” for the course (though I would have informally promoted it anyways).

In my quest for further self-growth, I took a chance and bought access to the course and coming from a cheap frugal woman like myself, I’m very glad that I did. Not only are new modules being added to the course all the time, the guest speakers, live interviews, book discussions and planned events are part of the FB Group too.

So if YOU are a Black woman who is truly ready to start winning by living your best life, you will want to check out the course before the price increase to $299.00 after May 15, 2018.

Married, single, divorced, younger, older, already living well or just looking for a tribe of like-minded Black women like yourself who want to celebrate themselves the way they should, you can click on my affiliate link here to get more information about the course.

If you have any questions, drop a comment or send me an email and I’ll be more than happy to answer.


M xoxo

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

40s · Dating

Flirting And Happenstance

We met by happenstance.

It all started with me having to email someone to get something very transactional done during someone else‘s absence. A few email exchanges between us over a few days and the situation was put to bed. And in the following weeks when a handful of similar cases popped up, it was rinse, repeat and regulate.

Politely written emails on my part, quick and prompt resolutions on his part. Nothing earth shattering or complicated. Just me ticking items off of someone else’s to-do list so that I could get back to handling what was on my own plate.

Then one afternoon, he sent me an email asking if the snow storm had hit my neck of the woods yet (because Canadians love to talk about the weather). I described how it looked like a snow globe outside my window, added that I hated snow with a passion and that was the exchange that shifted the “transactional” to “light and fluffy” emails about snow, travel and coffee.

I didn’t think anything of it because there was nothing to think about.

Absolutely nothing.

Until we slowly shifted from “light and fluffy” to “sarcastic and witty” banter. Sarcasm and intelligent banter are things that I do well and he could almost match my level. I admit that I was a little intrigued because I don’t often encounter men who can give good banter.

And no, that’s not code for something else…

Over the weeks that followed, I started getting a flirty vibe from him and my gut is never wrong. But how can you really be sure if a man is being extremely friendly or subtly flirting when it’s by email?

I was definitely not going to attempt finding out by being flirty back. Too many unknowns and no Outlook profile photo on his email…hell no.

What if he was a young guy who thought I was around his own age because I’m always mistaken for younger than I am? Or what if he was age appropriate and all that witty banter was wrapped up in a cloak of Quasimodo-ness?

I decided to do what I do best in situations of uncertainty.

I played stupid and slowly started backing away from the situation, which of course forced him out of the land of “subtle”…

To be continued…

M  xoxo










40s · Dating

Wine Will Be Required

Why did I ever think that stepping back into the dating pool would be easier as an older woman?

I thought that dealing with men in my age range would automatically bypass the text-me-instead-of-call-me-let’s-just-hook-up-and-be-friends-with-benefits type of mentality that I am not interested in.

You know, like men in their forties who, like me, grew up in a time where the only telephone in the house hung on the kitchen wall, men who actually owned cassettes as a kid and who knew the meaning of manners.

Well, I’m realizing that some of these men have picked up some of the “younger generation” habits and it’s not for the better.

Or maybe men are just…men? 🙂

When I’m done participating in my writing challenge this month, I’ll tell you a few stories that will likely give you a good laugh and that may require a large glass of wine.

And you’ll tell me what you think.

And no, I’m not sticking my hands back in the monkey trap.

The situations I’m encountering are much too interesting to not share and over-analyze in the way that us women like to do.

Until then, keep your own hands out of your monkey trap.

M  xoxo



Personal Development

When The Time Is Now

I can’t get sh*t done when it’s for myself.

Actually, no. That’s a bold face lie.

I can get sh*t done for myself but only when it involves “task-oriented” things like going paperless, painting my office or spring cleaning the garage.

But I can never make headway on personal/self-growth things that could only lead to a improved quality of my life.

And with only one life to live, personal/self-growth is my main priority these days.

With the trial runs that I’ve been doing on different projects over the past few months, it’s become clear that when you finally make up your mind to do things differently, you attract the things you desire.

I’m no expert on the “law of attraction” but it is a real thing. No hocus pocus involved. It’s only been a few months but I’ve experienced an important shift in my mindset.

So for the next few months, I’m getting sh*t done.

It’s as simple as that.

A while back, I joined three online communities and they are definitely helping me to keep focused and motivated.

One group is the Miracle Morning for Writers. I’ve been following the MM principles on and off for months and now, I’m at a point where I know that I can do it consistently. If you don’t know what the MM concept is, you can click here.

The second community I became a part of is linked to an online course whose focus is on Black women striving to reclaim who and what they desire to be as women first. Though there was a course fee involved, it was worth it (and I’m saying this as a cheap frugal person) because it allows participants access to a community of women that provide support and frank discussions on important topics related to being a woman and being Black.

And the third group I’m involved in is a fitness boot camp. This one is self-explanatory so I won’t bore you with the details.

#2 and #3 will be incorporated into my #1 (MM) and I’m looking forward to posting (on and off) about certain experiences (good and maybe not so good) over the next few months.

Are you feeling like the time is now for you? Are there any self-growth projects you are working on?

Until next time,


Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.